Dear Dave: Being Mr T

“My wife is very shy but can be funny. She did not know so much when it had to do with men, relationships, sex, fun etc. She wasn’t a virgin. She had dated before but she was single when I first met her.

Dave, I would be the first to tell you I do not believe in ‘love at first sight’. I never believed in soulmates because I thought there were a lot of fishes out there to be caught or eaten. We locked eyes on our first meet, and she tried to give me this half-smile but she was shy.

I was beaming like an idiot. Something inside of me whispered to me that she was someone special I had to get to know. I just had a good feeling about her, Dave. I can’t explain how else I could not stop thinking about her since then.

It did not occur to me to ask for her number, can you believe that? It was after she had left that I realized I had made a terrible mistake, because I had nothing to connect the dots with. The following day, at the exact time of our meeting, at the exact place, I went waiting to see if she would pass by again.

I got there and she was there, purposely for me. She realized she has nothing of me too to keep in touch. We both knew it was so early to assume anything but I wanted the assumption because she was the real deal.

“I am married” she said.

That was her reason for coming back. Not because she liked me too. Not because she felt the spark. Not because of the assumption. She just came to tell me she was married. I went back home and totally forgot about her for about three years.

Fast forward to 2011, September, I was at a friend’s wedding reception. I couldn’t make it to the church wedding because I was having steamy sex with a nice chick I had been talking to for weeks, and had to choose between attending the church service or meeting with the girl for fun.

Fun over everything else so I had fun, with the intention of making it to the reception. I got there and my mate was mad at me because I was on program to read a quotation. I had totally forgotten. Another mate was narrating the whole incident to me.

The cousin of the bride had stepped in to read the verse in my absence. He saw the cousin and was pointing at her. Dave, I head over and it was ‘three years ago’. Yes, the ‘I am married’ girl. She basically jumped into my arms, and I was like, ‘this ain’t happening. Shit!’ I held on to the hug so tight and felt the warmth of her embrace. It turned out she had been waiting for me to show up again in her life after our last encounter. She was getting a divorce when we had met, and did not want to complicate her feelings though she agreed she felt what I also felt.

I felt comfortable around her to the extent that, I could not even lie to her when she asked why I had to miss that morning’s program. I told her I was having sex with a new girl I was getting to know. That was the beginning of a milestone I was prepared to go through with her in my life. I wanted to be true to her and not lie about anything.

I asked her in December, 2011 to be my wife and she wasn’t sure I meant it, but I did. I was willing to commit to her in a relationship. Dave, when a man makes a decision to commit to something, it’s like making preparations towards a race. I was a young man and I loved women.

All kinds of women, so at the back of my head, I knew I couldn’t do the whole faithfulness bit. She told me she divorced because her ex was in an affair and didn’t want to go through another venture that could end in a breakup. I’ve seen the Black Stars of Ghana train for the World Cup, but have never won. Making the decision to want to commit to my wife in this marriage never guaranteed my faithfulness, which happens to be her ultimate expectation of me. I wasn’t sure I could meet those expectations but I was willing to at least, make her happy. A woman needs to benefit from her relationship with a man.

I was willing to sacrifice for the sake of her happiness in the marriage with me. So far, I am doing great. We both have an open mind in this relationship so there is always room to nurture excitement between us.

Telling a woman you love her doesn’t mean she’s important to you. I have friends who love their wives but their jobs, girlfriends, friends and other irrelevant things are a whole lot more important to them than their wives. They would rather give everything else their time than their wives. They will rather take care of their cars or houses than their marriages. I don’t take my wife for granted.

I learnt it the hard way. My dad didn’t realize it but he stopped taking care of his marriage to my mother so the relationship between them eventually stopped working. My mother didn’t feel she was special to my father so when another guy made her his priority, she left our father to go be with him. She had seven children with my dad, and added three to it with the other man. My dad eventually died a lonely man.

When I married my wife, I made the decision not to allow the demands of my job, children, mother or siblings, friends or other responsibilities come between the top of my priority list, Mrs. Turkson.

While each has its special place in my life, developing a healthy marriage with Mama T is and has always been most important to me, so I give it more attention. I think that is the reason why I have not been able to find any other woman as attractive, sexy, beautiful and hot as my wife. My ex girlfriend once told me she’s disappointed in me because I married an ‘average looking girl’.

True, my wife is no match to any of my exes. But she’s my ‘average looking girl’  who is beautiful to me on any day. Sometimes, I am amazed at myself that I have slept with only one woman since I came into contact with her at the wedding reception.

My wife’s needs come first, even before that of mine and the children. My name is Mr. T. My wife calls me that.”

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