So, Yesterday I remember something I tweeted saying “if you roll with Oyinbo people there is nothing you won’t see” Oyinbo people are wilding fam! I have had quite few experiences with them and here is one of them.
It was years ago when I just entered yankee. I decided to get me a good babe nau. I sha registered online and started talking to few babes. After sometime, things started getting really serious btw me and this babe. She was OYINBO. We set up a date to meet. So we finally met…
She was really cute in person. I was excited and activated my “GHEN GHEN” mood. A lot of y’all know my deal with pets. I be confirm hard guy but no pets Fam! If you have dogs, I will hardly visit but my house is open. Sha don’t come with your dogs!
If you have a life turkey that you breed, just block me because life is too hard. I don’t want some silly animals chasing me around. Don’t do that to me fam!!! We don’t want anyone to die. Just like I told Rainee, I could have died.
So we met. We sha talked… so she asked me if I had a family around. Family keh? My family are in Naija o. So I asked her the same question. Fam! That was where the whole WAHALA started. She said the only family she had was “VIKING”. I said “Viking?”
This Oyinbo people have come o, which one is VIKING again?! So she smiled and looked at me. I saw that look and I thought maybe Viking was her fine friend or maybe.. sister. She unlocked her phone, went into gallery and showed me a picture of a snake.
I asked calmly, “Gracie, who is VIKING?” She responded “here” pointing at the picture. I was like “Gracie, Whereeeeee?”. She said “oh! And she is a corn snake” Corn snake? What is this one saying bayi? God help me… she knew immediately I had problems with the expression on my face..
How can you tell me the only family you have is a snake? So if we get married snake yaff turn to my family. Snake will not be my family IJN. It’s like this girl and her snake is are mad. So she started crying… Ewo tun ni ekun oshi bayi. (Which one is stupid cry now?)
So I asked“ why are you crying Gracie, did I say sumtin wrong?” She responded “I don’t know why people hate Viking. She is everything I got. Where ever I go, she goes!” First of all, Viking is a snake, please why will people like it? Something is definitely wrong with this girl.
I thought to myself. “Ha! So your snake is a SHE, so that meins in the future you will need more baby snakes and my own house will turn into forest” OKAY. I sha told her to stop crying and that I would treat Viking as my baby. I told her VIking sounded male-ish.
She said, “Oh I names her Viking, because she is brave” I said OKAY. She was so excited. I told myself “I kuku won’t visit this one. I will go there and sleep now, snake will goan enter my yansh” FAM! wahala! This girl would text me and say she and Viking miss me.
She often send pictures of the snake and caption it “she just can’t wait to meet you” First of all, why will you be sending me a picture of a snake? Shey I look like a hawk ni? Now I know why nobody like Viking. Things were getting really weird at this point…
She hit me up one day “hey send your address, swinging by later” ha! Thank God. I sent the address and hours later she messaged again and said “ we on our way” WE?! WE?! Who the FUCK is we? Fam! She was on her way with Viking. Why are you carrying Viking upandan this girl….?
Don’t you know Viking needs rest? Which kind wahala is this now? If I tell her not to come with Viking now she will start crying like EGBERE that carry mat. She said “she is so excited to meet you” this girl can tell if her snake is excited. Okay o. No problem.
Finally…She finally arrived with VIKING. I swear I thought she was just kidding and sending random pictures of a snake this whole time. A SNAKE?! So she started getting on my nerves because her wahala was too much with the snake. She didn’t even let me kiss. Every time snake, snake.
She will come to the kitchen with the snake across her neck. On the couch the snake will be on her lap. If she sleeps, the snake will be on her body. I was just getting freaked and like. This girl needs to fucking leave mahn. I don’t want no snake to bite me Biko.
She asked “babe, see see see” I said “WHAT?!” She just smiled at you. You sure you didn’t see her smile?” NO I DIDN’T WIERDO! NOW, BACK THE FUCK UP AND STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME!” Abi you and your snake want to die?! She started crying and left. I just blocked her ass….
Ain’t doing that crazy shit. I’m a Nigerian man.. if I see a snake I stone it. Not crawling around my house please. I gave my mom the gist and for a year my mum will call me and be like “baba ejo, ejo wa nko?”( snake daddy, how is our snake) And laugh. Mom pleaseee.
So, Yesterday I remember something I tweeted saying “if you roll with Oyinbo people there is nothing you won’t see”
Oyinbo people are wilding fam! I have had quite few experiences with them and here is one of them.
— Legendary Soul (@IamEtubo) March 17, 2019